I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize