she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
