I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
