just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
