Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
