you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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