Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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