you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
