all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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