I'm jealous of your bromance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
