We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
