Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
