good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
