Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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