Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
