Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
