tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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