Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
