brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize