So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
