The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize