Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
