Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
