i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
