boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
