drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think people are normalizing furries
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
