Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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