I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize