So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We're too hungover to prance.
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