i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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