Dual....:-)
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so let's talk penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
