Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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