Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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