Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
