I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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