O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
