and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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