someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
