We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
