Whatcha textin bout Willis?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
