we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
