I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize