Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
