Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
