i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
