just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
soo... how was my night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
