Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
