4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
