I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
