Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
