yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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