Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
