so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
