I'm going to jail i love you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
