he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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