It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
