I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
