This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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