he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
