2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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