My liver just broke up with me...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
