I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
