I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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