WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So much rum. So many feels.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
