This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
