im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
