dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
