He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
