Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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