My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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