you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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