one might say we're banned from that church
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dignity is for republicans.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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