Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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