We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
