Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
