I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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