drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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