Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
