He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
