The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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