Sponge bath it is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
