Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
