why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
