I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize