I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
