a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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