I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize