I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bet he comes in French.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
