You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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