Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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