she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
