It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
