I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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