This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
